Watching them grapple with new techniques and ways of working has made me reflect on learning as a journey. I have gone on many learning journeys over the years and they have been as varied as the learnings that took place within them. When I was in my 40’s I decided I would learn to play tennis. Most people just pick up a tennis racquet sometime in their childhood or adolescence and start playing. I remember picking up the racquet but the playing part just naturally didn’t follow.
There was a time when starting a painting was both exciting and frightening. I would sit gazing into space wondering what the painting would look like, what did I want to paint, would others like it….?? Ultimately all these questions would lead me to face the biggest question of all WAS I GOOD ENOUGH? Before I had even squeezed some paint onto the palette I was facing a battle. I wouldn’t back down, but it was definitely a fight. Sometimes my enemy would allow me some small gains, but always there was the lingering doubt that someone would discover that I really wasn’t good enough. I wore The Imposter Syndrome like a heavy weighted hat on my head.
Currently, I’m reading repeatedly artists asking the question: “Are you struggling to work at the moment?” It seems the distractions of the world grappling with the Corona Virus is causing a global creative block. At the same time, people are confined to quarters and looking for something to do to inject some positivity into their lives. So, we have another global problem. Not perhaps quite on the scale of Covid-19, but a problem nonetheless; an urge to be creative and yet a struggle to find the well of creative juices.
Things only got worse. In a matter of days we were in national lockdown, my partners business closed and the kids at home for school. For a couple of days it felt surreal, as if we were playing out some blockbuster movie (without the paycheck). Email after email came through cancelling all activities and planned events for the foreseeable future. Normality was on hold and whatever we are living in now is it until who knows when.
Creative people are risk takers. Right? Wrong!! I have NEVER been a risk taker. I learnt to swim with my big toe bouncing along the bottom of the pool. During athletic sports I always pushed the hurdles over rather than bang my shins against them when attempting to leap over. My attempt at being a cool mum and going on the Scoobydoo ride at Movieworld literally ended in tears. I don’t ride horses. I don’t go near cows. I give swans and geese a wide birth. A critical and full analysis of every possible risk will usually steer me clear of activities involving speed, altitude, extreme temperatures, wildlife, some domestic life and getting my hair wet.
